I am the first to hold my hand up and say that trusting my own judgement is something I’m not good at. I always need a second opinion before doing something of significance: a task in work, buying a new car or something equally as expensive. It all comes back to self doubt, assuming that a decision you make by yourself is more than likely the wrong one. You fear making mistakes, mistakes that you can’t reverse.
The fact of the matter is is that it’s not just about trusting your own judgement, but trusting yourself as a whole. So how can we condition ourselves to trusting ourselves to do what we feel is right, even if it ends up being wrong? According to Peter Shallard, “If you spend a lot of time regretting things you’ve done or decisions you’ve made, you don’t trust yourself.” And that’s the pinnacle of the problem, isn’t it? We live so much in the past, wishing we could change things that it influences how we behave in the here and now.
A lot of the time I regret going to college because I’m currently not working in the area of which I studied. I could easily look at it as a building block of my life, I did something I wanted to do. And at 29 years old, there’s nothing to suggest I won’t end up working in the field someday. But then that niggling voice in my head comes into play and reminds me of the other “bad” decisions I’ve made in my life and I start to doubt myself even more.
Many people have said this, but I’m going to quote one of my idols, Billie Joe Armstrong: “It’s better to regret the things you have done than to regret the things you haven’t”. I’m sure that doesn’t mean to say go out and do everything you can and see what’s successful and what’s not.
A big decision I have to make right now is the result of what I consider to be a bad decision on my part in August of last year. I bought a new car, you see, not because I needed one but simply because I wanted one. A beautiful 2007 Opel Corsa, which sadly I have had nothing but problems with since day one. Now that it’s broken down for the umpteenth time, I have to decide whether or not to get it fixed once again, or to cut my losses and get a new one. I have already sought advice, but in the end I know the decision will have to rest with me. On Tuesday I’ll be brining it to Opel to find out what the damage is this time. Once I know that it’ll be on me to decide whether to proceed with the potentially costly repairs, or to simply throw in the towel.
Needless to say I am worried. I fear either decision could go badly, especially as this is the fourth car I have had problems with (though this is the worst). I have no idea which way it’ll go, but hopefully whatever I choose will be what’s best for me.