Motivation against depression: drawing

I used to draw a lot as a kid and I’m gradually starting to get back into it. Here is my latest effort. He’s a little fatter than intended!

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Motivation against depression: when the fun goes away

I have often heard it said that once something becomes a chore it’s not fun anymore. This has happened to me countless times; I begin a new hobby or rediscover an old one and then eventually find myself feeling as though I “have” to do it and so I lose interest. A good example of this, for me, is knitting. I was so addicted to it when I started doing it again, but once it became difficult to try new stitches (and failing at them), I didn’t see it as fun anymore and therefore I stopped.

Running could be seen as another example. I started making excuses but the truth was was that I just couldn’t find any fun associated with it anymore. Having said that, however, I went for my first run in months last Saturday and then again yesterday evening. The brighter evenings make it easier and I’m proud to say I actually did well. But can I keep it up? Or will I make more excuses and turn it into a chore?

I’m doing my best to get back into some old hobbies, such as running, meditating (I’ve been meditating every morning before work in my car), drawing and most importantly, writing. I’ve actually started writing again and it feels great, but there’s this sense of fear within me every time I open Microsoft Word to continue that the motivation will just suddenly disappear. I’m actually afraid to tell anyone, including my fiance, that I’m writing again for fear of jinxing it!

It all comes back to wanting to be good at something straight away. I want to be able to run 10 kilometres without pause, I want to draw the perfect portrait, I want to write a bestselling novel, etc. I’m aware all of this stuff is achievable but that it requires time and effort and perhaps that’s where my problem lies. Once I have to put effort into something I lose interest. Why is that? Is it something I can change, or am I destined to constantly give up on everything that once brought me joy?