Positive thinking is one of my goals, but how do I know when I’m truly being positive, instead of simply kidding myself? I was placed in a situation on Thursday evening where I was essentially told the opposite of what I wanted to hear. I vowed to not feel down about it, but instead to find the upsides and set myself new goals. And it worked…for about two hours.
Then I crashed.
Suddenly I felt hopeless and accepted that all of my positive sentiments were merely a form of denial that the situation I had found myself in was never going to work out, no matter what way I looked at it. Was it really denial? I feel better about the situation now and yes, I have found some positives about it, but are they positives or delusions? Apparently denial doesn’t feel good. You’re essentially trying to convince yourself of something that really isn’t there, such as your mounting debt or crappy job. You may convince yourself that you love your job but deep down you know it isn’t true.
Now, going back to my Thursday incident, do I feel bad now that I’ve found positives in the face of rejection? I can’t say I do. The positives give me hope and I find myself able to focus on other stuff, even though now and then my mind will drift back to thoughts of hopelessness. Mindfulness teaches me to acknowledge these thoughts and to not engage with them. I’m positive that I can learn to do that…someday!