As predicted, the closer I get to my redeployment the more anxious I become. I gave myself not one but two anxiety headaches yesterday and because the only painkillers I had contained caffeine I lay awake in agony for much of last night. I’m pain-free now but pretty exhausted. Why do I do this to myself?
Today is about finalising everything I need before I start tomorrow and thankfully there’s not a lot. I just hate change so much and this is going to be so alien to me and I can only hope my anxiety doesn’t keep me up another night worrying about it. I keep telling myself that if I can just get through the first day. I’ll be doing induction in one location this week and going to another next week. Will that cause more anxiety? It’s hard not to resent the fact that I’m the only one of my office being redeployed. If I had someone going with me, or even the knowledge that someone else had to step outside, I might not feel so bad.
Plus I’m already convinced my new manager thinks I’m an idiot due to the emails I’ve sent him. Am I ever not going to be hard on myself?