One step forward, two steps back

It’s been a while. I’ve motivated myself to do certain activities, but blogging is something I’ve avoided like the plague and I don’t actually know why. I’ve been working on my motivation – I got a FitBit wristband to help push me to reach 10,000 steps per day. I got for a walk each lunch time and walk my dogs on the weekends. I’ve sort of started knitting again. I’ve been practicing my German daily on Duolingo. There are still things I’d like to motivate myself to do still, the main one being writing. Even though I do Page Flutter’s daily six word story challenge on Instagram every day, it doesn’t exactly feel like writing.

Maybe coming back to blogging with help.

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Not quite flying the nest

I’m just over four months away from turning thirty and I’m still living at home with my parents. Tomorrow my fiance and I are nine years together. As you know we’re saving for a mortgage and we know that renting is just dead money and we’d have no hope of saving for a deposit if we were shelling out over €1,000 per month on rent. No matter how many times people tell me that living at home at my age is normal these days due to the disaster that is the housing market, I still feel like a freeloader. I pay my parents rent, of course, but it doesn’t ease my discomfort.

Perhaps it’s society’s view on how people my age should be living, or that I’m surrounded by people my age who are buying houses, getting married and having babies. My fiance and I are on the brink of getting a basic mortgage (enough for a decent-ish house), but there may be something that will delay us which I can’t mention just yet, and I could end up extending my stay under my parents’ roof. Isn’t there a taboo surrounding people who still live with their parents?

For some reason, I look back to my ex-best friend, who is married and I imagine him laughing at me when he sees my current situation. I know this is the last thing I should be worried about but these are the thoughts running through my head these past few days. I meet trouble halfway, but I know no other way of dealing with these types of situations.

What it means to be in a rut

I always thought the concept of being in a rut meant you never really do anything outside of work and such, and it’s not a million miles off. I truly believed I had stepped out of my rut by going to yoga on Mondays and walking as much as I can. But unfortunately I think I’m still stuck. I looked up a definition and found the following:

a settled and monotonous routine that is hard to escape

 

Yoga has become a part of my routine and yet I find myself dreading it each Monday. I attribute this to a number of possibilities:

  1. My social anxiety (after all, I feel the same sense of dread when going out with friends)
  2. Being an introvert (being in a work all day, my need to be alone and decompress becomes greater in the evenings
  3. Laziness! (I’ll be honest, I hate going home from work and then going back out again, I’d rather just go straight)

But could this be part of the rut I thought I’d escaped? I still can’t motivate myself to do certain tasks (updating my blog being one of them). How much harder do I need to push to escape once and for all?

Making a house a home

Nothing like a trip to IKEA to make you realise just how much a house needs. Then going to visit your brother’s new house and see how empty it is.

I’ve spent the last couple of years buying stuff – small stuff – for my future house. It was encouraged by my neighbour and one of my closest friends, the latter of whom has filled his aunt’s house with his future decor. My mam is planning to do up the room where I’m storing my stuff so I’ll need to find a new home for it.

Here is what I have so far:

  • Towels
  • Bed set
  • Cutlery
  • Frying pan
  • Shoe storage cupboard
  • Crockery
  • Chopping board
  • Scissors
  • Sandwich toaster
  • Grill
  • Key holder
  • Peg holder (there is a word for that but I can’t think of it right now)
  • Toilet seat (a SLOW closing toilet seat!)
  • Washing machine (which is in my neighbour’s shed)
  • A vase with glass flowers I got myself in Budapest

Little things we have include a couple of engagement presents. And I’ve ordered an egg holder (I know, right?) for the second time – the first time it didn’t deliver and I got a refund – and it hasn’t yet been dispatched a week later.

It doesn’t seem like I’ve made a huge dent in everything we will need, but hopefully this gives us a little head start. Anyone have any recommendations that no household should be without?

Never too late?

I don’t know if it’s just me, or perhaps society, maybe both, but I’ve always had this mentality that your life needs to be set in your twenties. You have to have a mortgage, a spouse and a career. If you don’t have that by the time you’re thirty, then your life is pretty much older. Apologies if this insults anyone, I don’t mean it to. I wish I could change this thinking, but it’s not easy. I’ve spent a total of six years in college with no clue as to what I want to do with the rest of my life, and I worry that I’ve left it too late.5da2cfe66c4595944de0a2b487442bd4--going-back-to-college-as-an-adult-quotes-college-mom-quotes

Maybe I’m just conforming to the social norm. I want to get a mortgage and get married. But career-wise, I really haven’t got a clue. Lately I have been considering a certain career path that involves three years full-time study and a LOT of money (not nearly as high as American college fees, but still a lot for the average student). I don’t want to do it right now, I accept that it’s something I’ll need to put off for a few years. But can I do it? Can I find a way to study full time with a mortgage and a family? I guess anything’s possible. Like my mam says, you never know what’s just around the corner.

I just wish I had someone to talk to about it, someone who gets it.

Speechless and redundant

I’ve been away from my blog for so long not just because of my trip to Budapest, but due to work also. Last week we learned that the company was imposing mandatory redundancies as finances reach an uncomfortable low. No, I haven’t been let go, but the workload of some who have has fallen onto me and I’ve barely had a minute this week at all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually happy to have more responsibility but I’m just not good at dealing with the new pressures.

The new work requires me to learn a whole new system and so I’m asking questions like it’s my first day all over again. I hope I can get into the swing of things sooner rather than later. My meditation will certainly come in handy if I can just learn to incorporate it into my working day.

My heart is broken for those who were made redundant. I thought they would stay for at least a month whilst they got their workload in order and handed over to the relevant people. However, some have gone already. I can only wish them the best and hope they find another job soon.