I can’t help it, it’s the shoes!

When I first started getting into running, the first thing I knew I needed was a pair of decent running shoes. I swear by Skechers so I invested in a pair from their GoRun range. When I eventually gave up running I always looked at these shoes each morning with a sense of failure as they gathered dust. I figured they would motivate me to keep going.

I started running again recently and they’ve been getting a good work out (pun intended!), but now…

Thanks to reading Owning It by Caroline Foran I’ve finally realised that running just isn’t for me. I should be doing an exercise that makes me feel good, whereas running is hit and miss with me; when I do good I feel good, but when I do bad (which is a lot) I really beat myself up.

And then there’s Aqua Fit…

I don’t think I’m bad at water aerobics but it’s not something I look forward to or even feel a sense of achievement afterwards. Perhaps I need to do it more than once a week instead of combining it with jogging and cycling, but €8 per class is a bit much for my budget.

Now I’m trading my exercises. Firstly, I’m walking [briskly] instead of jogging. And the great thing about this is that I can still wear my GoRun shoes, I’m sure they won’t mind the slower pace!

Secondly, I’m trading Aqua Fit for yoga. I did yoga a few years back and loved it so this is the perfect opportunity for me to get back into it. I’m going to attend 8-10 classes initially and then switch to doing it at home because – again – budget!

But what about my swim shoes?

Yes, I bought swim shoes! They kept me from slipping during the various jumping exercises in the pool. Will they now stare at me miserably each morning as they sit underused? My fiancé and I have unofficially committed to going for a swim once a month so maybe they won’t go entirely to waste.

But just incase, I won’t be buying shoes for walking or yoga (there are actually yoga shoes!).

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The difference between positivity and denial

Positive thinking is one of my goals, but how do I know when I’m truly being positive, instead of simply kidding myself? I was placed in a situation on Thursday evening where I was essentially told the opposite of what I wanted to hear. I vowed to not feel down about it, but instead to find the upsides and set myself new goals. And it worked…for about two hours.

Then I crashed.

Suddenly I felt hopeless and accepted that all of my positive sentiments were merely a form of denial that the situation I had found myself in was never going to work out, no matter what way I looked at it. Was it really denial? I feel better about the situation now and yes, I have found some positives about it, but are they positives or delusions? Apparently denial doesn’t feel good. You’re essentially trying to convince yourself of something that really isn’t there, such as your mounting debt or crappy job. You may convince yourself that you love your job but deep down you know it isn’t true.

Now, going back to my Thursday incident, do I feel bad now that I’ve found positives in the face of rejection? I can’t say I do. The positives give me hope and I find myself able to focus on other stuff, even though now and then my mind will drift back to thoughts of hopelessness. Mindfulness teaches me to acknowledge these thoughts and to not engage with them. I’m positive that I can learn to do that…someday!

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Looking back with a new perspective

As I read more of Caroline Foran’s Owning It, I find myself reflecting on moments when I assumed I was fighting my anxiety, rather than seeing it as a helping hand (in a way). The moment that keeps coming to me the most is back in my third year of college. I had to make a presentation in front of my entire class regarding my mandatory volunteer work. I was so scared that I arrived to class ridiculously early and waited outside the classroom so I could tackle my lecturer and beg her to let me present first. I figured the sooner I did it, the less my anxiety would control me for the day.

I went first and the presentation went so good that classmates were praising me on it. My lecturer even stated it was the most she had ever heard me speak in the three years she had been teaching me. I felt I had essentially one-upped my anxiety but now looking at that memory with a new perspective, did my anxiety actually help me? Perhaps I’m clutching at straws, but maybe my anxiety helped me work up the courage to face my ultimate fear of making the presentation by going first rather than putting it off until the very end and allowing myself to panic even more than I already was.

It’s really made me think…

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